Amaryllis
by Moonstar Kiwi
Summary: Falling Smoke prequel. Smokepaw finds Tawnypaw, alone in the rain, the night she runs away from ThunderClan. But their fast friendship might not be enough to win her heart... or to save his. ShadowClan-centric.
1. Hyacinth

Finally, I got around to this. It's a prequel to Falling Smoke, though you don't have to have read Falling Smoke to understand, and there won't be any references to it. This fic is also almost completely canon; there are minor discrepancies in allegiances and ages, but hey, even the Erin Hunters get those things messed up. At least I did it on purpose. Also, this is my first shot at a fic like this, so a little leeway is appreciated... an now, you can go read. :)

--

_One, of Loneliness_

It is raining, and raining hard. The young apprentice closes his eyes against the pouring water, opening them every once in awhile to avoid the thick pine trees in his path, but cannot will away the pelting of the fierce droplets against his soaking pelt. He sloshes through the mud, spraying and splashing it all over himself and the cats around him, but they are too drenched and exhausted to scold him.

"I don't see why we have to have _midnight _patrols," Dawnpaw complains, her voice barely audible above the roar of the rain.

"Shut up, kit," snarls Oakfur, in a worse mood than usual. "You RiverClan cats are such _wimps._"

"You shove it, Oakfur," interjects Heavystep, stepping between his apprentice and the patrol leader with venom in his beady black eyes. "We're one Clan now, so don't you go berating my apprentice."

Oakfur snorts in response, and the young apprentice at his side would have delivered a biting insult on his behalf, had he not tripped over a tree branch and fallen face forward into the mud.

Rain splatters his body and the mud around him. He lifts his nose out of the muck, spit it out disgustedly, and looks up to see the rest of the patrol looking down at him.

"And you call _my _apprentice a wimp." Heavystep smirks down at the young cat splayed out in the puddle of mud.

Oakfur didn't even bother protesting, instead shooting a sharp glare at his apprentice. "We're moving on," he declares. "We don't have time to wait." _For weak, useless losers _goes unsaid, but is perfectly clear in his tone. "Join us when your pathetic tail out of the mud, Smokepaw."

The midnight patrol moves on without him. Smokepaw doesn't bother getting up; he just lies there curled up in the mud, allowing the harsh rain to beat down on his pelt and the mud to envelop his fur. He might have lay there all night, had something not fallen right next to him.

In the pouring rain, he doesn't even hear it coming, and doesn't know he is not alone until, with a loud squeal, something splashes into the mud puddle beside him. Smokepaw leaps to his feet and unsheathes his small claws and tries to look fierce, though he has scarcely been an apprentice for half a moon. Like every young cat, he longs for the chance to prove himself in battle, no matter how much his superiors and mentor tell him he's useless.

But the figure that emerges from the mud puddle is hardly an enemy combatant. It is about his size, and definitely a cat, but even if they weren't been covered in mud and rain wasn't falling in bucket loads from the sky, the untrained apprentice would have been unable to smell the ThunderClan scent.

The mud covered figure is obviously terrified, enough to be fooled by Smokepaw's attempt at intimidation. It takes a sloshy step backwards, squishing a bed of drooping white hyacinth flowers beneath her paws. Finally, it speaks. "Are you a TigerClan cat?"

Her voice - yes, she is a she-cat, that much Smokepaw can tell - is small and timid, and though she had barely elevated her voice above a whisper, he somehow understands her over patter of the rain.

"Yes," he replies proudly. But despite his attempt at boldness, he averts her gaze, his eyes instead falling to the torn hyacinth flowers sinking in the mud beneath her.

The young she-cat's voice trembles along with her cold, soaked frame. "Could... could you take me to Tigerstar?"

Smokepaw's eyes narrow, still trying to maintain his illusion of toughness. "Why should I?" he demands.

His yellow eyes finally meet hers, bright green and wet with - the rain? - wide and pleading, and he looks right into them as she murmurs, "He's my father, and I've come to join him."

xx

Talonpaw lay awake waiting for Smokepaw to return. For all the ridicule he takes, for being a kit and a coward, he cannot sleep without his brother at his side. Finally, in the dead of night, his brother returns from the midnight patrol.

Oakfur, Smokepaw, Heavystep and Dawnpaw pad into TigerClan camp, drenched and exhausted. But there is a fifth cat with them that Talonpaw does not recognize. The young apprentice had gotten good at memorizing the names and faces of the new RiverClan recruits to TigerClan, but the small, mud-splattered cat's identity is lost on him. He furrows his small black brow, and wonders at her identity. Perhaps she is a rogue, come to join Tigerstar. He wouldn't put it past him. He'd have to ask Smokepaw.

Talonpaw watches from the apprentice den as Smokepaw and Dawnpaw break off from the group. Heavystep turns towards the warriors den, and Oakfur and the mud-covered cat continue towards Tigerstar's den. His confusion deepens, but Smokepaw is coming. Surely he can explain.

"Look, Smokepaw," Dawnpaw meows as they enter the den. "Little Talonpaw stayed awake for you." Though low, her voice did not lack the intended bite.

Smokepaw lets out a low growl. "Don't you dare insult him," he snarls.

Despite stinging from Dawnpaw's insult, Talonpaw feels a swell of happiness in that his brother is standing up for him. So he swallows his wounded pride, ignores Dawnpaw and says to Smokepaw, "Can we go outside? I have a question for you."

"Secrets secrets are no fun when they're not shared with everyone," Dawnpaw sing-songs, but Talonpaw ignores her mocking.

Smokepaw glares at the other apprentice, but gives his brother a curt nod. Talonpaw smiles gratefully, and the two apprentices exit the den into the pouring rain.

Smokepaw shivers. "There had better be a pretty good reason you dragged me out into the rain again, Talonpaw."

Suddenly Talonpaw feels guilty; his brother has been outside in the rain all night, is covered in mud and water, and is clearly exhausted. He should have saved his question till morning, but impatience is his worst fault, and he could not wait.

"I was just curious," Talonpaw mews, looking down at his wet paws in embarrassment. He suddenly wants to run back inside the nice, dry den, where the rain isn't battering his pelt and Smokepaw's intense yellow eyes aren't fiercer than the rain. But now he is here, and he has to know. "Who was that cat, the fifth one on the patrol? I didn't see her leave with you."

Smokepaw's expression, as always, is unreadable. "She is Tawnypaw, Tigerstar's daughter," he replies stoically. "She has come to join us."


	2. Chrysanthemum

Note: a large portion of this chapter is an edited excerpt from _The Darkest Hour_. It's not in italics, but you'll know where it is. Disclaimer: I do not own anything the Erin Hunters wrote, nor do I own Warriors. If I did, the third series wouldn't suck so much, Firestar wouldn't be perpetually out of character, and Smokepaw would be a major character.

-----

_Two, of Innocence_

Smokepaw is surprised, to say the least, when he wakes the next morning to find the newcomer beside him. He blinks, and rubs the weariness from his eyes, and rolls his neck before turning to look around the apprentice den.

Talonpaw is still asleep, curled up between him and the wall, breathing heavily and soundly. Rowanpaw and Cedarpaw are gone, probably on dawn patrol. The RiverClan apprentices are sleeping separately across an invisible chasm on the opposite side of the den, all still soundly slumbering. After observing the other apprentices, Smokepaw finally forces himself to look down at the she-cat curled against his flank.

She had been groomed, that much was obvious; her fur was no longer matted with mud and cold with rainwater. Smokepaw is startled to notice that beneath the layers of mud that had coated her the previous night she has soft tortoiseshell fur, and is actually kind of pretty.

As soon as the thought occurs to him, he shoves it violently from his mind. He has no time for such thoughts; a battle is coming, for TigerClan's dominance of the forest, and he has to train. There is no time for trivialities.

Nonetheless, he is careful not to wake her as he gets up and makes his way out of the den to the fresh kill pile. She has obviously had a rough night, he thinks, and it would be best to let her rest.

Though apparently, the newcomer is just full of surprises. Not a minute after he reaches the fresh kill pile, he sees her trailing after him.

"Hi," she mews timidly, her eyes fixed on her toes.

Smokepaw wonders why she is awake, but sees no point in asking. If she isn't tired, she is probably hungry. And since she is probably his Clanmate now, since she is Tigerstar's daughter, it would be only chivalrous to offer her some prey.

So he does just that. "Would you like to eat?" He asks, gesturing at the fresh-kill pile with his tale. "It isn't quite leaf-bare yet, so we have plenty to spare."

Tawnypaw nods gratefully, but doesn't move. For a moment, Smokepaw thinks she's spaced out, and has no idea what to do. But then she smiles, and meows a quiet "Thank you," and takes a small mouse from the pile.

Her soft, trepid voice somehow makes Smokepaw sympathize for her. He knows he shouldn't; ever since his apprenticeship, barely half a moon ago, Oakfur had been beating a single piece of information into his young head: ShadowClan cats are brave, dignified, and independent, care for themselves above all others, and are responsible for all actions. He knows he shouldn't care for Tawnypaw, that she should learn to live without his or anyone's help, but he somehow can't resist.

"Would you like me to show you around?" he asks, still unsure of why he is doing so. "I can show you around the territory, if you'd like."

Tawnypaw brightens considerably. "I would like that," she meows, with a new spring in her voice.

The two apprentices stand up to leave, and walk out of camp side by side. At first, it is rather awkward, and Smokepaw begins to regret making his offer. He has nothing to say, and neither does she, or so he thinks.

Finally, as they disappear into the pine trees beyond camp, she speaks. "Thank you," she meows.

Smokepaw stops walking and meets her gaze, his eyes searching hers in confusion. "Thank you? For what?"

"For taking me to the patrol last night," she explains quietly, "And for bringing me back to camp."

Smokepaw waves off the praise. "Any cat would have done it. You're Tigerstar's daughter."

Tawnypaw's bright green eyes widen. "You talk about him with respect..."

Smokepaw rolls his eyes and continues walking, carefully avoiding the puddles left by the previous night's rain. "Of course I do," he meows bluntly, "He's our leader, the founder of TigerClan, and will one day rule the forest." That was what Oakfur had told him, anyhow, and what reason did he have to disbelieve his mentor?

Tawnypaw scampers to catch up to him, an awed and astonished glow in her eyes. "So you and your Clan... you won't hate me for being his daughter?"

Smokepaw regards her curiously. "Are you serious? Of course not. That would be mouse-brained."

Tawnypaw's shoulders relax visibly, as though a weight has been lifted from her shoulders. Smokepaw doesn't know what to make of it, but then decides that if it's important, he'll find out in time.

He then makes a decision, one he hadn't thought he'd consider; he leads her through the maze of pine trees that is ShadowClan territory, through the wet marshes, and then into a clearing.

Their paws are soaked and muddy from trekking through the marsh, but Smokepaw is confident that it was worth it. The small clearing is filled with wild flowers, beautiful and bright in the last of their days of glory before they shrivel up for leaf-bare. Smokepaw sits down in a bed of flowers, and motions for Tawnypaw to join him.

The former ThunderClan apprentice's eyes dart around the clearing in amazement. "It's beautiful..." she trails off, and suddenly turns to Smokepaw. "Oh!"

Smokepaw jumps, startled by her sudden exclamation. "What?"

Tawnypaw blushes in embarrassment. "You know who I am, but I still don't even know your name."

Smokepaw snorts; he doesn't see why it is such a big deal. "Smokepaw," he mews. "My name is Smokepaw."

Tawnypaw smiles. "Thanks, Smokepaw."

Smokepaw doesn't know what to say. He has never been subject to praise or thanks before, and he doesn't know what to make of it. So he switches the subject. "These are chrysanthemums," he meows, and twiddles one of the vivid scarlet flowers in his paws.

"Chrysa - what?"

Smokepaw laughs, if you could call it that. It is more like a growl of amusement, as though the young apprentice were afraid to laugh. "Chrysanthemums. Or just mums. They're my favorite flowers. Have you never seen them before?"

Tawnypaw shakes her head. "No. But they're really pretty." She sniffs one of the mums. "And they smell nice, too." She sighs. "Just another thing they don't have in ThunderClan."

Smokepaw hates it when cats act like that; when they make a statement that is practically _begging _the cat they're talking with to ask about it. But for some reason, coming from Tawnypaw's mouth, it doesn't bother him.

So he asks. "What do you mean?"

She seems all too happy to explain, but not in a bragging way, he notes, but rather to get it off her chest. So against his nature, he listens.

"They don't respect Tigerstar in ThunderClan," she meows. "Not only do they disrespect him, they hate him! And they hate me and Bramblepaw too, just for being his kits. Especially Fireheart, the deputy, he hates us. He told us about the things my father did to ThunderClan, and told us the Clan was still proud of us, but _he's _not. I can see it in the way he looks at us." She takes a deep breath. Tears brim in her eyes, but she doesn't cry. "The cats of ThunderClan would never accept me, just because of who my father was. I was never at home there. That's why... that's why I came here." She looks at Smokepaw meaningfully. "Do you think I'll be accepted here?"

Emotion has never been Smokepaw's strong point; he leaves those sorts of things to Talonpaw. But he gives her what he knows is the correct answer, and the one she wants to hear: "Yes."

They sit there for awhile, in a quiet but comfortable silence. When they finally get up and walk back to camp, Tawnypaw seems a lot happier, a lot bouncier, a lot more excited; almost as though she is a different cat.

Leave it to Tigerstar to break her just as she had been put back together. "Cats of TigerClan!" the great leader booms from atop the Bonehill, just as they arrive back at camp. "The time has come for us to gather with WindClan and ThunderClan, and convince them to join us! Warriors, come!" he leaps down from the ledge, and within seconds spots Tawnypaw and Smokepaw and bounds up to them.

As always, Smokepaw feels a shiver run down his spine in the presence of the strong, mighty leader. But the fearsome leader's attention isn't focused on him.

"Tawnypaw. You should come with us, and convince your brother to join us," he meows gruffly, which Smokepaw supposes is his attempt at softness.

Tawnypaw nods shyly, and follows his father as he moves towards his assembled warriors. Smokepaw starts to follow, but the leader turns on him with an intimidating fire in his fierce amber eyes.

"What do you think you're doing, apprentice?" Tigerstar growls.

Smokepaw shrinks and lowers his head under his leader's fiery gaze. "Nothing, Tigerstar."

"That's right," Tigerstar hisses. "You stay right here back at camp and follow orders." He turns back to his daughter. "Come along now, Tawnypaw."

Smokepaw wishes he could follow, and can't help a spark of jealousy as he sees his fellow apprentices, Rowanpaw and Cedarpaw, among Tigerstar's warriors. He catches Cedarpaw's eye, and the older apprentice gives him a sympathetic shrug; he guesses that Smokepaw wants to come, and assumes it is because the young apprentice wants to prove himself. He doesn't know any better - but then, neither does Smokepaw.

Rowanpaw sees Smokepaw's forlorn expression, and shoots him an arrogant smirk. Smokepaw glares back, but can't find it in himself to care. He has never liked Rowanpaw, and the two share a mutual loathing, though Smokepaw can't exactly recall why.

Of the two older brothers, Smokepaw had always been fonder of Cedarpaw, though fond isn't really the correct word. Smokepaw simply hates Rowanpaw but respects Cedarpaw, and is on friendly enough terms to call him an acquaintance. Maybe, if he weren't an antisocial, cynical little kit, he might call him a friend. But that's only if he wasn't antisocial and cynical.

Absorbed in his thoughts, he watches as the gathering party leaves camp. He wonders idly if ThunderClan and WindClan will join TigerClan, and knows from Oakfur's ramblings that they probably won't. Normally, the young apprentice wouldn't give a flying rat tail, but he can't help but wonder about Tawnypaw.

Lying in the chrysanthemums, Tigerstar's daughter had finally seemed to lift the weight of her former Clan off her shoulders, if only for a few stolen moments. But now Tigerstar had stolen them back, Smokepaw thinks bitterly. He trusts his leader, and looks up to him with almost supernatural awe and admiration, but he doesn't like his decision to thrust his fragile daughter onto the front lines of his battle. What Tawnypaw will do, he wonders, when faced with the choice between her brother and her father, her birth Clan and the all-powerful TigerClan?

He tells himself she'll chose TigerClan.

And then tells himself he doesn't care.

xx

Tigerstar takes a pace forward, his head raised challengingly. "Have you thought about my offer? I'm giving you the choice: join with me now and accept my leadership, or be destroyed."

Firestar exchanges a single glance with Tallstar. There is no need for words. They had already decided what their response must be.

Firestar speaks for them both. "We reject your offer. The forest was never meant to be ruled by one Clan, especially not one led by a dishonorable murderer."

"But it will be." Tigerstar's voice is soft; he doesn't even try to defend himself against Firestar's accusation. "With or without you, Firestar, it will be. By sunset today, the time of four Clans will be over."

"The answer is still no," Firestar meows. "ThunderClan will never submit."

"Nor will WindClan," adds Tallstar.

"Then your courage is matched only by your stupidity," growls Tigerstar.

He pauses, his gaze raking the warriors of WindClan and ThunderClan. Firestar hears snarls from the TigerClan warriors behind their leader and forces himself not to flinch away from their glittering eyes and bristling fur. For a few heartbeats not a cat moves, and Firestar braces himself for Tigerstar's order to attack.

Then he hears a choking sound beside him, and a single word gasps out: "Tawnypaw!"

Bramblepaw stands rigid at Firestar's shoulder, staring into the ranks of their enemies. Following his gaze, Firestar spots the young she-cat standing close beside Oakfur, a ShadowClan warrior.

"What is she doing there?" That is Brackenfur, thrusting himself forward to stand at Firestar's other side. "Tigerstar did steal her!"

"Steal her?" There is a purr in Tigerstar's voice. "Not at all. Tawnypaw came to us willingly."

Firestar doesn't know whether to believe him or not. Tawnypaw is looking down at the ground as if she didn't want to meet the eyes of her brother and her former mentor.

"Be brave, Tawnypaw." Rowanpaw brushes warmly against her flank. "You're our Clanmate now - we'll protect you."

Tawnypaw looks to him gratefully, then back down at her paws, blushing as she feels the eyes of every cat present fall on her.

Firestar has to admit that she doesn't look like a prisoner; instead she just looks uncomfortable being at the center of attention.

"Tawnypaw!" Bramblepaw calls. "What are you doing? You're a ThunderClan cat - come back to us!"

Firestar winces at the pain in the young cat's voice.

"Just don't speak," whispers Rowanpaw, standing firmly at Tawnypaw's side. "Let our leader, your father, do the talking. He'll pull you through."

Tawnypaw says nothing.

"No, Bramblepaw," Tigerstar meows. "_You _come to _us_. Your sister made the right choice..."

Rowanpaw watches the pain and regret and sorrow and guilt and conflict - and how could a cat so young have eyes so deep? - flash through Tawnypaw's eyes, and for a moment is afraid that she will defy Tigerstar and run across the invisible abyss to stand at her brother's side in ThunderClan.

And he sees the pain regret sorrow guilt conflict _tearing _her apart inside, as Bramblepaw yowls, "Join you? After everything you've done? I'd rather _die!_"

Rowanpaw brushes up against Tawnypaw, just to keep her from collapsing to the ground. "Be strong," he whispers. "I'm here."

Rowanpaw doesn't know why he cared for her, or why he chose to offer and share his strength; ever since he'd become an apprentice five long moons ago, and even before, the same ShadowClan ideals had been beaten into his head time and time again, and knows it is wrong to care for another. But Tawnypaw is different - he doesn't know why or how, but she is. And Rowanpaw is not used to failure, and not getting what he wants, and in that moment, he decides that Tawnypaw will be his.

She looks up at him with gratefulness and happiness and joy and relief and meaning in her big bright green eyes, and Rowanpaw feels his heart skip a beat. "Thanks, Rowanpaw," she mews, leaning against him.

And so she leans into him, and clings to him, and trembles as Firestar tells her father's story - and thinks of how he doesn't respect her, will never respect her, and how she is glad she ran away to ShadowClan.

She clings to Rowanpaw as Tigerstar yowls "Traitor!" at Scourge, and leaps at him with claws extended, and _screams _with her father and watches, watches, watches numbly as he falls to the ground and life flows from him in the form of red, sticky blood. And somehow the bright crimson blood makes her think of Smokepaw's chrysanthemums, that had smelled so nice and made her feel at peace, and she realizes that the mums are the polar and complete opposite of her father dying and the real world shattering right before her eyes... the chrysanthemums are what she wants, but she knows she can never have.

She doesn't even remember walking back to TigerClan camp, only that Rowanpaw lead her the whole way. She doesn't notice Rowanpaw shoving Smokepaw out of the way as he runs to her in worry; she simply walks like a zombie back to camp, and collapses in the den.

---

A/N: I apologize if that all made no sense. I was trying to get into everyone's heads, and I realize that it came out as just confused ramblings... hopefully you undestood it anyways. As far as the plot (or lack of thereof) goes, does anyone see what I'm getting at?

Also, in terms of Tawnypaw's character. I know that Tawnypelt ends up as a strong, independent cat, but remember, Tawnypaw is very different. I'm working to keep her in character as she makes that transition, and feedback is always appreciated. :)


	3. Amaryllis

Thanks to everyone for the constructive and supportive reviews. :)

**Iceleaf: **I know, ShadowClan really doesn't get enough love. And sorry if the mums part didn't make sense... that's just me taking a crack at symbolism. And failing slightly...

**PolarIceWolf:** actually, this story does have a sequel where Smokepaw lives, _Falling Smoke, _but it isn't ShadowClan-centric. It's hypothetical, assuming Smokepaw survives his fall off the cliff, and about the world he finds down below. _Falling Smoke_ frequently references Smokepaw's time in ShadowClan as flashbacks, which is the purpose of this fic...but enough about that. This isn't Falling Smoke, this is different, so I'll stop talking about it. :)

**Feathercloud13: **It's hard for me to stick to one POV... in this chapter, the POVs are labeled, so that might make things clearer. Thanks for the suggestion.

**Pink Kitty Cat: **thanks! I try to use different words, just so it doesn't get repetitive. Glad it worked.

**Flametail von Karma: **well... how could I resist the wide eyes? o.o Here's more.

**Shellheart: **There were parts when, writing last chapter, I thought about elaborating on some things I wrote that seemed rather vague. And then I thought no, I'm aiming for a different sort of fic here, and more things should be left up to your interpretation, or at least for you to figure out. I'm sort of struggling with the line between leaving things for you to decide and making them clear enough to understand...I'm working on it. :) Also, the POVs are labeled in this chapter, so that should help.

* * *

_Three, of Timidity_

_Tawnypaw_

After Tigerstar's death, the half a moon is a blur to Tawnypaw. Her memory of the battle with BloodClan is a series of pictures, freeze frames, and thrills of emotion, and then more blurs of colors and sounds she can't quite put her paw on. Most vividly, she remembers the horrifying image of Bramblepaw hanging in Bone's jaws, and her impulsive leap at the massive BloodClan deputy blurred by the tears in her eyes.

But Tawnypaw shuts out that memory, because she can't bear to think of Bramblepaw. Of course, trying to shun her brother from her memories and actually achieving the feat are entirely different matters, and Tawnypaw thinks of her distant brother more than she cares to admit.

Besides memories of Bramblepaw and the battle, all that is left for her to remember in the past half moon is interaction with her peers. She had never gotten to know the RiverClan apprentices, so she wasn't exactly upset when they moved back to their own territory; she would have been indifferent, except Smokepaw seemed particularly excited, and she couldn't help but catch on.

Smokepaw. She smiles as she thinks of him, and looks over to where he is sitting a few foxlengths away from her, sprawled out in the mums. She fiddles with the velvety amaryllis flower between her paws, and notes how it is browning at the edges. Leaf bare is coming, and signs of it are showing across the clearing of wildflowers. Tawnypaw frowns; Smokepaw's "secret" spot had become a favorite place of hers - of theirs - and she would miss it during the cold moons.

Tawnypaw lets her thoughts drift to the time she and Smokepaw have spent in the wildflowers. She has changed much in the last half moon, she realizes, and she attributes a part of this to her time with Smokepaw. It is as though when it is just the two of them, talking and playing idly in the beautiful array of flowers, Tawnypaw can truly be herself - not that she is sure what "herself" really is, but sitting in the flowers with Smokepaw makes her feel light and free as a bird on the wind.

She is no longer the frighteningly timid little kit she once was. She is not afraid to raise her voice now, and has developed a twisted sense of humor that is somewhere between ShadowClan sadism and ThunderClan's straightforward joking that is sometimes rather bland. It is more like a gentle sarcasm, Talonpaw had noted fondly, before getting cuffed over the ears.

Speaking of her newfound voice, though, she and Smokepaw had been oddly silent today. That was alright, though; lots of times they just came to their clearing to relax. The silence is mutual and understood, but Tawnypaw now feels the urge to break it.

"Hey, Smokepaw," she mews idly, "A mousetail for your thoughts?"

The gray-furred apprentice rolls over to face her, but pauses before responding, "Nothing, really. What's on your mind?"

"I asked first," Tawnypaw insists, giggling at the way he frowns at her retort. "C'mon, I did. Don't give me that look."

Smokepaw's face scrunches up further. "I'm not giving you a _look,_" he mews indignantly. "And I already responded."

Tawnypaw sighs, and searches for a topic for discussion. Her ears perk as she finds one. "Hey, Smokepaw!" She turns to her friend, who is now unsuccessfully trying to look like he doesn't care, but she knows better. "Have you heard? Cedarpaw and Rowanpaw are going to become warriors really soon!"

Smokepaw's expression darkens. "Lovely," he grumbles, and turns away again.

Tawnypaw rolls her eyes. "C'mon, don't be like that, Smokepaw," she groans. "I know you're not so fond of Rowanpaw, but can't you be happy for them?"

"No."

"Pull the stick out of your ass, mousebrain," Tawnypaw snaps. "Do you always need to be so cynical?"

"Do you always need to be so foul-mouthed?"

"I'm not foul-mouthed, damn it." Tawnypaw maintains her glare a second longer, and then bursts into a fit of laughter at Smokepaw's bemused expression. "I did that on purpose, you know."

"'Damn' isn't even a curse word," Smokepaw mutters.

"Come on, I'm serious, Smokepaw. Lighten up." Tawnypaw gets up and goes to sit next to him. "You don't always need to have a big rain cloud over your head -"

"I don't," he snaps. "Your imaginary rain cloud appeared when you brought up Rowanpaw."

Tawnypaw frowns. She hates the rivalry, or rather one-sided feud, between her two best friends. Alright, maybe the term 'two best friends' isn't accurate - she knows that Smokepaw is her best friend, the cat she can read best and vice versa, and with whom she loves wasting time playing in the flowers. But Rowanpaw? She isn't really sure what Rowanpaw is. She desperately wants to be his friend and earn his attention, which he seems to give her, but ever so sparingly, leaving her wanting more. She doesn't really know what to call it.

But she really hates it when Smokepaw shoots criticisms at him, so she tries to push it away. "Fine, then I won't talk about Rowanpaw," she gives in. "And then your pretty fur won't get all wet."

But though she promises not to talk about him, she can tell that Smokepaw's mind has stayed stuck on his rival apprentice.

xx

_Smokepaw_

When they get back to camp, Smokepaw has the sudden urge to just get away from Tawnypaw. This normally doesn't happen; normally, there's something about being around the older apprentice that calms him down, soothes his nerves, and makes him feel... something he can't quite put his paw on. But right now, after having his mind stuck Rowanpaw since she mentioned him idly while fiddling in the amaryllis flowers, he feels the need to escape.

He goes looking for Talonpaw, but runs into Cedarpaw first.

The chestnut-furred apprentice smiles kindly at him. "Hey, Smokepaw. We were just looking for a third cat for sunhigh patrol. Want to come?"

Smokepaw hates how Cedarpaw has a way of smiling that _seems _nice, the way his yellow-green eyes sparkle kindly, but it also looks fake, or at the very least condescending. Cedarpaw is tolerable, but he _is _Rowanpaw's brother and best friend, which automatically shifts him to Smokepaw's bad side.

So Smokepaw is about to say no, when Russetfur comes up behind Cedarpaw and mews, "You asked Smokepaw, Cedarpaw? Good choice. Are you coming?"

Smokepaw gulps. He would never dare say no to Russetfur, the strict, uptight deputy of the Clan. He nods shortly, and pads off after Cedarpaw and Russetfur, and decides to make the best of it. Getting on Russetfur's good side could mean a faster warrior ceremony... _oh, who am I kidding? My warrior ceremony's at _least _five moons away_, he thinks cynically. He looks enviously to Cedarpaw, remembering what Tawnypaw told him earlier.

Russetfur's crisp voice jerks him out of his thoughts. "Smokepaw, Cedarpaw, why don't you two go that way towards the WindClan border." She flicks her tail in that direction. "I'll go towards ThunderClan. We'll meet up at Fourtrees." Cedarpaw and Smokepaw nod. "Go fast," she adds sharply. "I'd better not catch up to you past Fourtrees."

"Understood," mews Cedarpaw, and darts off. Smokepaw has no idea how to respond, so he simply turns and runs after the older apprentice.

As soon as they are out of earshot, Cedarpaw lets out a breath, as though he's been holding it since Russetfur started speaking. "Don't worry about her, she's always like that," he tells Smokepaw.

"What, an uptight arrogant mousebrain?" Smokepaw can't help but remark.

"Yeah. That." Cedarpaw grins. "But she's a great deputy, and my mentor, so who am I to complain?"

They walk in silence for awhile. Unlike the companionable silences with Tawnypaw, though, the silence between Smokepaw and Cedarpaw is rather awkward. Smokepaw doesn't particularly care; he would rather not talk to Cedarpaw, and is content to admire the amaryllis flowers hidden in the brush, dappled with soft sunlight, that allow him to avoid Cedarpaw's gaze. Cedarpaw, however, is not as complacent, and to Smokepaw's disappointment, feels the need to start a conversation.

"So, you spent time with Tawnypaw again this morning?"

"Yeah," Smokepaw replies shortly. Tawnypaw is the _last _thing he wants to discuss with Rowanpaw's brother, but the older apprentice doesn't pick up on his attempt to avoid the conversation.

"I've always wondered," Cedarpaw meows lightly, "What do you guys talk about?"

Smokepaw frowns. "What do you mean?"

Cedarpaw shrugs innocently. "You know, you two are always going off together. What do you do?"

Smokepaw considers glaring in response, then thinks better of it. "We just talk," he responds curtly.

"About what?"

Again, Smokepaw considers the ruder alternative - shooting a _why do you care?_ at Cedarpaw and leaving him to contemplate it. But instead, he replies conversationally, "Just...things. Like the weather, what prey we've caught, her mentor... sometimes her brother in ThunderClan. But that's really it."

"Oh, that sounds fun."

Smokepaw almost can't stand the phoniness of his response. He obviously _doesn't _think it sounds fun, and he hates it when cats do that; when they give the response they think is appropriate, but that they clearly don't believe in. He wishes everyone would just speak their minds.

"It is," Smokepaw mutters in response.

They walk along in uncomfortable silence for another moment, and then Cedarpaw breaks it again.

"Hey, Smokepaw."

Smokepaw continues studying the flowers in the brush. "What?"

"Can you keep a secret?"

Now this catches Smokepaw's attention. He looks up at Cedarpaw. "Yeah, of course."

Smokepaw knows that he gave the honest answer, so it doesn't trouble his conscience to give Cedarpaw such a positive affirmative. It was the older apprentice's own fault for being stupid. Had the question been, "_Will _you keep a secret?" the answer would have been a lot different. But Smokepaw knows that he was perfectly _capable_ of keeping his mouth shut, should he choose it, and bases his reply on that logic.

"Well... it's about Rowanpaw."

Smokepaw tries to hide his eagerness. He would _love _a juicy piece of information with which to blackmail Rowanpaw, given away by none other than Cedarpaw, his trusted brother. How amusing.

"Well, see... he's taken an interest in Tawnypaw." Cedarpaw grins awkwardly. "A... _deeper _interest."

Smokepaw feels as though he's been punched in the stomach, fights back the urge to hurl. He already _knew _this, subconsciously, but to hear it spoken in words is to acknowledge it, and it hurts him more than he cares to admit.

He doesn't trust himself to speak, so he is grateful when Cedarpaw continues, "I know you and her are good friends... I was wondering if you would talk to her."

Smokepaw can't contain his response. "Tell Rowanpaw to talk to her himself," he blurts angrily. "If he really has_ "deeper"_ interest, then he will." _That idiotic mousebrain _goes unspoken, but hangs poignantly in the air.

Cedarpaw opens his mouth to respond, but then seems to choke on himself. He suddenly spins around in the direction of the ThunderClan border. "I smell something," he hisses.

_ThunderClan?_ Smokepaw turns in the same direction, and opens his jaws to taste the air. A pungent, unfamiliar scent invades his nose, and he wonders how in StarClan's name he didn't smell it before. Had he been that distracted? Just as he begins to speculate on the identity of the unknown odor, Cedarpaw provides the answer.

"Badger," he growls. "And it doesn't smell old..."

Smokepaw curses his inexperience. As a one-moon apprentice, he still hasn't learned intricacies like the scent of badger and its timing, so he is forced to rely completely on Cedarpaw. But he forces himself not to ask any questions, so as not to show weakness. Oakfur would be proud.

"Smokepaw! Look out!" Cedarpaw's shriek tears him out of his thoughts, and Smokepaw barely has time to leap to the side as a large badger lunges at him from out of nowhere. Well, not nowhere, Smokepaw would later reflect; there was a badger set hidden in the brush that any observant warrior would have seen. Unfortunately, the two cats on patrol are mere apprentices, even if one is older and supposedly smarter.

Smokepaw rolls ungracefully into the undergrowth, landing flat on his nose beside Cedarpaw.

"This is bad," Cedarpaw whispers, and Smokepaw notes the urgency in his tone. "Smokepaw, go forward, as fast as you can, and meet up with Russetfur. I'll hold off the badger till she gets here."

"Are you kidding?" Smokepaw protests. "You'll be killed!" Not that he really cares - _no, no, I can't think like that. _That, and of course, he wants to stay and fight. Already, he feels the adrenaline rushing through his veins.

"Smokepaw, don't be crazy!" Cedarpaw growls. "Two cats can't take on a badger, especially not us two! Go get Russetfur!"

"If us two can't take it on, they you definitely can't alone!" Smokepaw argues.

"I'm not fighting it, I'm just holding it off," Cedarpaw retorts. "Please, Smokepaw, _go._ You're wasting time -"

He is interrupted as the badger makes a leap at their hiding place. Smokepaw and Cedarpaw dive in opposite directions; the badger lands where they were a mere split second ago and tears the growth to shreds in fury. Picturing himself in that undergrowth, Smokepaw winces.

But now he is separated from Cedarpaw, and no longer has to take his snobbish orders. Now is his chance to prove himself to his Clan - and to Tawnypaw. If he can take down the badger, he'd be able to revel in the glory forever.

_What are you, crazy?_ His subconscious berates him. _One cat can't take on a badger, let alone an untrained apprentice!_

But Smokepaw is undeterred. He watches, muscles tensed and ready to spring, as Cedarpaw emerges from hiding, his chestnut fur sticking straight up on his neck. With a fierce growl that sends chills down Smokepaw's spine, the badger turns to the older apprentice, and throws a hefty claw straight at his throat.

Cedarpaw dodges nimbly, but only barely. The badger howls in anger and frustration, and makes another swipe. This time, Smokepaw swears Cedarpaw loses a few hairs on his neck as he rolls desperately to the side. But now, with the badger's attention focused solely on Cedarpaw, Smokepaw sees his chance to act.

Smokepaw doesn't pause to consider how rash and reckless he is being, and that his very life is in danger. If he just runs off to fetch Russetfur, no cat would blame him. In fact, he would be praised. If Cedarpaw died, it would be Cedarpaw's fault alone, and Smokepaw would not be to blame. Yet with greater risk comes greater reward; and with that sole thought in mind, he springs at the badger.

He lands on the badger's broad back and fastens his teeth as close as he can get to his throat. His small, undeveloped teeth are miniscule in comparison to the badger's widespread back, but Smokepaw is practically twitching with adrenaline, and by some miracle he establishes a firm hold. He barely registers Cedarpaw picking himself up off the ground as the badger gives a roar, and tries to throw the tiny attacked off his back.

Smokepaw feels himself being jerked back and forth, up and down, so violently he's surprised his neck doesn't snap. He begins to regret his reckless choice, but there is no time for regret now; there's barely time for thought at all. His world is a blur of colors and spinning shapes dancing to and fro until he squeezes his eyes shut, and then he is just clinging to the badger for dear life. He feels the metallic taste of blood in his mouth, and wonders if it's the badger's or his own.

And then, suddenly, he loses his hold. More accurately, the badger hurls him off, and Smokepaw finds himself flying through the air. Pain erupts in his head as he smashes head first into the nearest sycamore tree, and he falls dizzily to the ground. He tries to open his eyes, but _damn _his head hurts, and the world is blurry and spinning and tilting and _ugh - _he chooses just to keep them shut.

He expects the badger to come after him. He wonders if this is it, and then finds he doesn't really care. But when the badger doesn't come after ten... twenty seconds, Smokepaw forces his eyes open to see what has become of it.

To his complete and utter surprise, the badger is lying on the ground in similar fashion to himself, with amaryllis-red blood streaming down its shoulders, stemming from a deep gash on its neck. Smokepaw's eyes widen as he registers what happened - that was his doing. _He _had wounded the badger and forced it to the ground. He, Smokepaw, a lowly ShadowClan apprentice, had taken on a badger and won.

The last thing he sees before his eyes slip shut again is Cedarpaw, crawling up to the fallen badger's side. Out of the corner of his eye he sees another cat approaching - Russetfur. He allows himself a lopsided grin of satisfaction; when Cedarpaw tells Russetfur what he'd done, Smokepaw would have the whole Clan's admiration...and Tawnypaw's.

With that glorious, warming thought in mind, Smokepaw blacks out.

* * *

A/N: I'm pretty sure the badger scene is referenced in _Falling Smoke. _Cookies if you remember what happens next.


	4. Hollyhock

**c0l0rblind:** You should know that your review made me incredibly happy, and I was grinning like an idiot at the computer screen for two whole minutes after reading it. Really. We just finished Catcher in the Rye in English class, and the whole time I was thinking, Smokepaw _is_ Holden. So I've been writing Smokepaw's character with Holden in mind, particularly in his analysis of Cedarpaw...it amused me to no end when Smokepaw described Cedarpaw as a phony, because I'm one of those English geeks that has fun referencing the books we read in class. There'll definitely be more Holden-Smokepaw references (especially in this chapter), and as you can see by the enormous review reply I've written --looks up at insanely long reply--, it very much excites me that you saw the connection.

**Hollyleaf123: **It's sort of supposed to be the same as the book - sort of. The storyline is supposed to fit in with the book's time line and events. Except for the first chapter, this takes place in the time-skip between The Darkest Hour and Midnight, in which time Tawnypaw, Rowanpaw and Cedarpaw become warriors. I haven't read Firestar's Quest, but as far as I know, nothing really covers ShadowClan in that time, so this is just an interpretation of what occurred in ShadowClan. You're right, I didn't change much... the only difference between this story and canon is that here, Smokepaw is friends with Tawnypaw (but it never says in the books that they're NOT friends...). Then again, that idea is the most essential to this story...so that's what separates it from the books. Wow, I'm writing a lot today...congrats if you read all that.

**feathercloud13: **yay, someone remembers what happened in Falling Smoke. Cookies (with chocolate chips and sprinkles) to you. :D

**Amazingly awesome person: **isn't it? But I'll bet Smokepaw doesn't agree with you. (But then again, does he ever agree with anything?) ;)

**Silverstripe: **yay, cookies for you too! And extra cookies for kicking Cedarpaw! ... And I've thought of writing everyone's POV on Smokepaw falling off the cliff, but I'm not sure yet. We'll see.

_Four, of Ambition_

_Smokepaw_

The first thing Smokepaw is aware of, before he opens his eyes or ears, is a fierce pounding in his head. In his vulnerability, he can't quite fight back the urge to hiss with pain, and sits straight up from where he is lying.

The act of sitting up throws his head into a whole new level of pained dizziness. Just as Smokepaw opens his mouth to cry out, he feels cool moss being pressed to his forehead.

"Shh, take it easy." In his disorientation, he somehow recognizes the voice as Littlecloud's. "You hit your head pretty hard, Smokepaw. Lie back down."

Against his nature, Smokepaw does as the medicine cat commands. When he his lying back down on the ground, he forces his eyes open, and finds himself looking up into Littlecloud's concerned, pale blue eyes.

He tears himself away from the pitying gaze - he cannot _stand _pity - and looks past the medicine cat to confirm his location. As expected, he is lying in the moss in the back of the medicine den. He must really have smashed his head, he thinks, as he feels dizziness and nausea roll over him in waves.

But how? What had happened, and what had he done? The last thing he remembers is being on patrol with Cedarpaw, and... the badger!

Again Smokepaw shoots straight up into an awkward sitting position. "The badger!" he mews, in a tone laced with confusion and curiosity. "What happened?"

Even as the question escapes his lips, the blurred memory is returning to him. His ambition, fear, recklessness and rash attack, and his _success_.

Littlecloud gently pushes him back down to the ground with another strip of cool, damp moss. "It's natural for your short-term memory to be lost for a moment," he informs him, unaware of the memories rushing back into the young apprentice's head. "Don't worry, though, Cedarpaw managed to disable the badger, and Russetfur killed it. Other than you, no cat was injured."

Smokepaw tilts his head in confusion. "_Cedarpaw_ wounded the badger?"

"Yes, surprising, isn't it?" Littlecloud laughs softly as he busies himself with organizing herbs. He takes the mum petals and separates them from the amaryllis, placing the latter in a pile with the hollyhock. "After the badger knocked you out, Cedarpaw managed to cut a deep gash on the badger's neck, which disabled it until Russetfur arrived. I didn't know he had it in him." If Littlecloud thinks to turn away from his herbs for just a moment to look at Smokepaw, he would see the astounded look stretching across his patient's features. But in his mess of herbs, he misses Smokepaw's look of confused horror, and continues obliviously, "Lucky for both of you, hmm? If it hadn't been for Cedarpaw's bravery, both of you might be dead."

At this point, Smokepaw can no longer contain himself. "I helped!" he blurts. "I attacked and injured the badger too!"

"I'm sure you did," Littlecloud mews kindly.

Smokepaw feels rage burning inside him at Littlecloud's fake, condescending answer, and at Cedarpaw's betrayal and blatant lie. "It's true!" he protests. "The badger was going to kill Cedarpaw, and would have if I hadn't attacked -"

"Shh, Smokepaw, settle down," Littlecloud mews softly, and finally turns to face his distressed charge. "You need to rest, and I can't have you getting all worked up."

"You don't understand -"

"Please, calm yourself," Littlecloud urges. "It's natural for you to be a little bit disoriented after receiving such a violent concussion. But we heard the whole story from Russetfur; after you were knocked out, Cedarpaw bravely attacked badger, and saved both of your lives."

xxx

_Tawnypaw_

"Hey, Tawnypaw."

Tawnypaw freezes as she notices Rowanpaw padding up to her. He has such a confident stride, and a proud, strong look in his shining emerald eyes -

"Uhh, Tawnypaw?" Rowanpaw is gazing at her curiously. "Anybody home?"

Tawnypaw blinks, and realizes she had been staring. She laughs nervously to cover it up. "Yeah, I'm here," she mews. "Just... daydreaming."

She relaxes considerably when Rowanpaw laughs kindly at her statement. His rich, deep laugh sooths her, and she settles into his warm presence. "Hey, don't you be laughing at me," she meows playfully.

Rowanpaw smiles. "I'm not laughing at you, I'm laughing with you," he clarifies. "Besides, how could I laugh at a daydreamer? I do it all the time."

"Really? I thought I was the only one whose mind just wanders off in the middle of the day." Tawnypaw looks down at her feet. "Blackstar always tells me it's stupid."

"Trust me, it's not," Rowanpaw mews earnestly. "It's called being creative, and it makes you special."

Tawnypaw's eyes glow and widen. "You... think I'm special?"

"Definitely," Rowanpaw meows with a smile. "I love to daydream, so maybe we should do it together some time!" he pauses. "I just wish I could find somewhere peaceful and quiet to do it..."

Tawnypaw's ears perk up instantaneously. "Hey, I know just the place!" She darts excitedly off into the forest. "C'mon!" Rowanpaw follows eagerly, and the two disappear into the undergrowth.

xxx

_Smokepaw_

Later that day, when Smokepaw feels less dizzy and Littlecloud reluctantly releases him from the medicine den, the first thing he does is head straight for Cedarpaw. His head is spinning, but he tells himself it's with anger and fury, not the ugly red-blue-purple blotch smeared across his forehead.

Cedarpaw is alone, grooming himself by the Highpine at the center of camp. When Smokepaw pads up to him, smoke steaming from his ears and pawsteps burning a black trail behind him, he looks up with false obliviousness. "Hey, Smokepaw," he mews lightly, "What's up?"

Smokepaw narrows his eyes. "You know _what's up_, you foxbrained piece of crowfood," he snaps.

Cedarpaw tilts his head. "I don't know what you're talking about."

"The badger!" Smokepaw screeches, and digs his unsheathed claws into the earth to keep from tearing Cedarpaw to shreds. "You _lied!"_

Cedarpaw conjures a phony look of sympathy and plasters it onto his features. "You hit your head pretty hard, Smokepaw, so it's understandable if you're a bit confused," he explains condescendingly. "You got knocked out when you recklessly attacked the badger, but lucky for you, I was there to save you."

"You _liar!_" Smokepaw yowls, resisting the urge to rip Cedarpaw's eyes out. "_I _attacked the badger! You couldn't have done anything without me!"

Cedarpaw smiles falsely. "Smokepaw, you're so cute, trying to earn respect and admiration from your mentor," he meows with mocking sweetness. "And Tawnypaw, of course."

"You leave Tawnypaw out of this!" Smokepaw screams, his eyes bright and livid. As he speaks, he practically throws himself in Cedarpaw's face.

"Smokepaw, calm down," Cedarpaw mews with mock concern, and turns away from the hot breath on his cheek. "You hit your head pretty hard; you ought to go rest -"

"You're a liar, a traitor, and a piece of crowfood," Smokepaw spits venomously.

"- and you certainly shouldn't be shouting at me," Cedarpaw continues, ignoring the interjection. "If anything, you should be thanking me... for saving your life."

The pointed insult stings a thousand more than all the others, and it is all Smokepaw can do to keep from tearing the both of them to bloody, mutilated pieces. He squeezes his eyes shut and he can _see _the amaryllis red blood dripping from Cedarpaw's tainted lips.

"_I _killed that badger!" Smokepaw yowls, his eyes wet and wild. Fire and ice explode from his mouth as he cries, "And _you _lied!"

Cedarpaw smiles, undaunted. "Oh yeah?" He stands up, and whispers in Smokepaw's ear, "Prove it." And with that, he walks away, leaving Smokepaw burning to ashes in the dust.

xxx

_Tawnypaw_

"Here we are!" Tawnypaw mews brightly.

Rowanpaw pokes his head out of the brush and stares at the clearing Tawnypaw has lead him to in awe. "Wow, Tawnypaw," he meows breathlessly. "This is...beautiful."

His dark emerald eyes sweep across the wildflower clearing and the astounding array of brilliant flowers that light up the forest even in late leaf-fall.

"I can't believe I've never been here before," the chestnut-furred apprentice meows appreciatively. "Must be because it's hidden by the brush. How in StarClan's name did you find it?"

Tawnypaw opens her mouth to tell him the truth, but thinks better of it. "I was just exploring one day," she lies lightly.

Rowanpaw grins. "You must be quite the adventurous explorer."

Tawnypaw shoves away the guilt of lying – and bringing Rowanpaw here to begin with – eating at the edges of her conscience and returns the cheery grin. "Yeah, that's just me," she mews innocently.

A sudden flash of red and white in the corner of her eye distracts her from her play at innocence. She turns around and darts over to the patch of amaryllis flowers, picks a particularly pretty one up between her teeth, and drops it at Rowanpaw's feet.

The flower she selects is stunning snow white with brilliant scarlet pouring from the middle. Tawnypaw's cheeks warm to the color of the flower's center as she explains, "These are amaryllis flowers. They're my favorites."

Rowanpaw tilts his head. "Those flower aren't that nice," he observes.

Tawnypaw's face falls in disappointment. "Really? What makes you say that?"

He shrugs. "I don't know. There's just something about it I don't like." He gazes around at the other flowers, his eyes hovering for a moment over the chrysanthemums, before moving on impassively. Suddenly, his eyes brighten, and he moves over to a cluster of vibrant magenta blossoms.

"I like these," he decides, rubbing his muzzle against the silky petals. "What are they called?"

Tawnypaw searches her head for Smokepaw's distant tour of the flowers, one lost day spent laughing and smiling under the soft sunlight. "Hollyhock," she recalls. "They _are _very pretty."

"Beautiful," Rowanpaw whispers. "Just like you."

Tawnypaw looks up at him with wide, glowing eyes. "...What?"

"You're beautiful," Rowanpaw repeats softly. A brilliant shiver runs down her spine as he entwines his tail with her own and brushes against her flank.

No one except Smokepaw had ever made her feel so... wanted. Loved. But Smokepaw is different, she tells herself. Here Rowanpaw is actively trying to give her the sense of warmth running through her veins; Smokepaw doesn't try, he doesn't give a damn, it just _happens _around him. And Smokepaw is the runt, Smokepaw is three moons younger than she, and Smokepaw... is her best friend. But that is all, she tells herself.

Rowanpaw... Rowanpaw is mystery, with hidden yet radiating strength, with alluring emerald eyes, deep, thick chestnut fur and a charming, soothing voice. Tawnypaw... likes it.

She falls to the ground with him in the hollyhocks, content to lie against him and stare up at the array of colors painted across the sky, and lets her contented gaze follow the fiery sun beginning its descent.

She doesn't notice herself trampling a stray mum as she falls.

And she has never been happier.

xxx

_Smokepaw_

Smokepaw feels tears pricking his eyes, and a horrible sense of unfairness and indignation washing over him. It just isn't _fair. _He knows that in his mind he sounds like a newborn kit who has lost a play fight, but truly, the injustice of the day's events are sickening. But then, he figures, life is never fair.

He runs desperately to Talonpaw, as though he is underwater and his brother is oxygen, and without him, he'll die. He finds Talonpaw in the apprentice den, and when the young apprentice sees his brother's distressed state, he leads him to a quiet tree outside camp.

There, Smokepaw blurts out everything, from the badger fight to Cedarpaw's betrayal, and vents about how much he had wanted to impress Tawnypaw, and misses the way his brother smiles knowingly. Besides Tawnypaw herself, Talonpaw is the only cat Smokepaw is ever so open with, and despite the weight crushing down on his shoulders, letting everything flow out of him and spill at his brother's feet is like a breath of fresh air.

"Smokepaw, pause and breathe," Talonpaw soothes, urging his brother to take a breath. "Tawnypaw still likes you anyways for who you are. You don't need to be some hero."

"But it certainly helps," Smokepaw mumbles.

Talonpaw leans back against the tree they are sitting under and exhales loudly. "Smokepaw, you need to stop being so pessimistic and cynical all the time."

"I can't _help _it," Smokepaw snaps. "The _world _is depressing - why shouldn't I be?"

Talonpaw raises a questioning brow. "You sound like a kit, Smokepaw."

"I know, I know, but it's true!" Smokepaw cries. "Bad things just always _happen! _Like I thought Cedarpaw was... sort of... a friend, and he _betrayed _me -"

"Shh, lower your voice," Talonpaw urges calmly.

Smokepaw sighs heavily, and continues, "Not only is Cedarpaw a phony piece of crowfood, but Rowanpaw is worse. He's a selfish piece of foxdung who doesn't even _know _Tawnypaw, but looks at her like..." he searches for the word. "He looks at her like she's just a flower, something pretty to be looked at and smelled, but not something he truly knows inside out and backwards. He doesn't know her the way I do."

The last part comes out as an angry snarl, and Smokepaw digs his claws into the moss beneath his toes. "I'll bet he doesn't know that Tawnypaw misses her brother in ThunderClan every day, but that she'd never go back because of the way they treated her there. I'll bet he doesn't know that she hates her father. I'll bet he doesn't know that her dream is to be strong and resolute, and defend her Clan and her friends in any way she can, or that her favorite flower is amaryllis, or her favorite prey is mice, or that she loves climbing pine trees, or that she hates the wet marshes because then she has to groom herself extra, or that she loves picking low-hanging berries, or that she loves to look up at the sky." Smokepaw pauses for breath and closes his eyes, trying to calm the inner wave of feelings threatening to drown him.

Talonpaw tilts his head. "Well _you_ sure do know her well," he remarks.

"Of course I do." Smokepaw stares down into his paws and lowers his tail between his legs.  
"She's... my best friend," he whispers.

Talonpaw sighs. "You really do have it tough. Falling for your best friend, and Rowanpaw's love interest -"

"Wait," Smokepaw interrupts. "I never said I'd fallen for her. What are you talking about?"

Talonpaw grins, his eyes sparkling with amusement. "It's obvious, Smokepaw."

"I don't like her like _that,_" Smokepaw protests. "She's just my friend, and I don't want my friend being with that piece of crowfood Rowanpaw. Is that so abnormal?"

"No... but the way you're acting is." Talonpaw holds his brother's identical yellow gaze. "It's obvious to everyone but you, Smokepaw. You _like _her."

The emphasis on the word _like _makes his affection sound childish, Smokepaw thinks. So, reflexively, before he even comprehends the meaning of what he is saying or that he actually _means _it, he amends, "I believe the correct word is _love._"

Talonpaw nods and smiles, but chooses not to respond, and lets Smokepaw sift through his thoughts. The two brothers sit there for awhile in a poignant silence, and watch together as she sun begins to dip below the horizon and only spare rays of soft orange light dapple the treetops.

Finally, after a long while of peaceful yet thick silence, Talonpaw ventures a question. "Smokepaw... what will you do if Tawnypaw chooses Rowanpaw?"

Stunned by the question, Smokepaw falters. "I - I don't know," he stammers, but then collects himself. "It doesn't matter. She can do what she wants. I'm fine being alone."

"You're not alone!" Talonpaw meows at him. "You always have me. Or have you forgotten me?"

"No, I haven't. Sorry," Smokepaw responds quietly. "It's just, you're the only one left."

Talonpaw tilts his head. "What's that supposed to mean?"

Smokepaw sighs. "I don't know."

"C'mon, there have got to be other cats besides me who cheer you up," Talonpaw mews brightly. His brother is shrouded in the shadows of twilight, but he ignores the dark, shaded look it gives him. "Like your mentor, Oakfur. Or Russetfur. And Tawnypaw still does, because she's still your friend, even if she likes Rowanpaw."

"Oakfur hates me and thinks I'm a worthless apprentice, Russetfur the same, especially after the badger incident, and just thinking of Tawnypaw right now upsets me."

Talonpaw frowns at Smokepaw's stubborn cynicism, but refuses to be deterred in his quest to cheer him up. "Alright then, how about activities? Doesn't hunting excite you? Or fighting ThunderClan? Or the drive to become a warrior?"

"Hunting is boring, we haven't fought since BloodClan, and becoming a warrior..." For a moment Talonpaw is hopeful, for he sees a dim light in Smokepaw's eyes, but then it flashes out of existence like a fire smothered by rain. "Becoming a warrior is just a name."

Talonpaw feels his brother is lying about the latter; being a warrior must mean _something _to him, and probably more than he lets on. He knows Smokepaw is just being stubborn, refusing to be wrong, or let anything turn his frown upside down. And despite his unending patience, Talonpaw is frustrated.

"Come on, Smokepaw," he meows. "There has to be _something _that makes you happy."

Smokepaw shrugs. "Talking to you."

Talonpaw rolls his eyes. "Something _else. _I'm flattered, but be more creative."

Smokepaw closes his eyes to think, and Talonpaw watches as his ears perk and an idea comes to him.

"Well?"

Smokepaw hesitates. "It'll sound stupid."

"Just tell me."

"Well... when I closed my eyes, I saw a place that looked like the wildflower patch. You know what I'm talking about? I took you there once, and I always talk about it." Talonpaw nods. "Well, this place looks like the flower patch, only it's on the edge of a cliff. And I'm the only one around - the only big one, I mean. Everyone else is a kit. There are a bunch of little kits, all playing around in the flowers, and I have defend the flower patch so no twolegs get in and kidnap them."

Talonpaw resists giving him a funny look, and nods for him to continue.

"But more than that, the real danger is the cliff. The kits are all playing near the cliff, and it's my job to make sure none of them fall off. I guess I'm just... the catcher in the flowers. That's all."

Talonpaw stares at him in silence for a moment, and then mews, "Well, that sure was creative."

Smokepaw looks down. "I knew you'd think it was crazy."

"No, it's not crazy," Talonpaw assures him, but doesn't know what else to call it. "I don't know how I understand it, but I sort of do. I have just one piece of advice... make sure _you _don't fall off the cliff, Smokepaw."

Smokepaw contemplates Talonpaw's response for a moment, then sighs and gets to his paws. "Thanks, Talonpaw, for listening and understanding. Really. But I think I need some alone time now." Without waiting for a response, he turns to leave.

"Where are you going?" Talonpaw calls after him. But as soon as the words leave his mouth, he knows.

"To the wildflowers."

-- --

* * *

A/N: For those of you who noticed it, I'm sorry for the completely obvious Catcher in the Rye parallel. But I couldn't help it... Smokepaw just has the same thought process as Holden, I guess. (actually, that's a bit scary) _Disclaimer: _Catcher in the Rye belongs to J.D. Salinger, as does half of what Smokepaw says in this chapter. Ok, maybe not half. But a large portion.


	5. Geranium

Yes, I changed the story title. This is still _Chrysanthemum_, in case anyone is confused. But that title, while appropriate, was too long and hard to say and was starting to annoy me. So I went to the next best thing.

Sorry for the long wait. Blame a combination of AP exams eating my life and an addiction to anime fanfiction. T.T But here we are, finally, with chapter five.

**featheredwing:** nobody ever thinks of that pairing, not authors nor cats in the books. That's why Smokepaw is so sad...

**feathercloud13: **aww, don't hate Tawnypaw! She's just, uhh... stupid. And mean to poor Smokepaw...

**Shellheart: **you're right about human swear words - thanks, I didn't even notice I was doing that. Normally I try to stick to Warriors language, so I'll try to get back to it. And thank you for feeling everything you were supposed to feel from last chapter, and super duper thanks for telling me about it. You have no idea what encouraging-but-still-constructive-criticism reviews like yours mean to me. :)

A/N: I didn't read over this chapter before posting, because a) I'm lazy and b) I have state exams next week. Okay, bad excuses. I did spell check though, so it should be okay...but just try to ignore any bad grammar and spelling. ;)

---

_Five, of Stupidity and Melancholy_

_Tawnypaw_

Tawnypaw leans into Rowanpaw's warm flank and gazes up at the stars. A cool leaf-fall breeze floats over the pair, and the sounds of the night forest wrap them up in a blanket of wind and sound. A silky, deep blue geranium tickles her nose; she breathes in its calming scent with a heavy breath, and then exhales softly. For a few stolen moments, she has no worries in the world.

And then a sharp rustling noise brushes the edges of her hearing. Her ears twitch, but she thinks nothing of it until she hears it again a moment later, but louder. And nearer. Logic would have dismissed it as a squirrel or night bird stumbling through the undergrowth, but something about the crinkle of leaves that she barely hears makes Tawnypaw's heart drop and prompts her to sit up and look around in curiosity.

Confused, Rowanpaw sits up beside her. "What's wrong?" he questions.

For a moment, Tawnypaw doesn't answer. Her sharp eyes scan the forest for the source of the rustling, but the brush is now still, and even her clear, night adjusted vision picks up nothing. It's as though it was never -

_There._ A dark, shadowy figure slips behind a tree a split second after her eyes catch it.

"Tawnypaw?" Rowanpaw asks quietly, "Are you alright?"

Tawnypaw shivers. She refuses to believe that what she saw was a cat - or, particularly, a specific cat. No, of course it wasn't. What would a cat be doing here at this time of night anyhow? It was all in her head.

She shakes her head, for Rowanpaw's benefit, not for her own, because she is certain. "No, I'm fine. Just tired." She yawns, genuinely, to emphasize the point.

"Maybe we should go back," Rowanpaw suggests. "They'd probably get worried if we spent the night out here anyhow."

"Yeah..." Tawnypaw agrees with him, but she isn't really sure why. She looks down at the geranium she had been sniffing, and thinks of how wonderful it smelled, and how happy and peaceful she had been just a few moments ago, and doesn't want to leave. Yet something tells her she should go back.

"We should do this again some time, though," Rowanpaw adds. "But for now, we probably oughta get back."

He lets her lean into his soft chestnut fur the whole way back to camp. Tawnypaw finds herself lulled into another spell of peace, and when she and Rowanpaw stumble into the apprentice den just before moonhigh, she falls asleep before she hits the ground, all thoughts of paranoia forgotten.

xx

_Talonpaw_

Talonpaw is almost asleep when Smokepaw returns. His brother's eyes are dark and red-rimmed, as though he'd been crying - but Smokepaw knows better than to show his tears. In ShadowClan, being weak enough to show tears could earn a beating from Blackstar, and that is with luck. But despite his expert attempts to hide it, Talonpaw can see in Smokepaw's eyes that something is wrong.

"Smokepaw...?"

Smokepaw collapses into a heap of moss and buries his head in his paws. "Not now, Talonpaw," he murmurs into the ground.

Talonpaw ignores the whine and places himself beside him. Smokepaw had seemed fine when he'd last seen him at sunset - okay, maybe not fine, maybe a bit troubled, okay, maybe incredibly troubled and just as screwed up in the head - but at least then he wasn't falling to pieces before his eyes.

"What...happened?" Talonpaw ventures tentatively.

"Nothing," Smokepaw whispers, his voice muffled by his paws.

Talonpaw resists the urge to roll his eyes, because he feels like his brother is acting like an angsty kit, and rests his tail gently on his back. "C'mon, Smokepaw, it's alright," he soothes. "Come on, look up at me and tell me what happened."

Smokepaw shakes his head in his paws, rubbing his nose into the dirt in the process.

Talonpaw gives a snort that falls somewhere between exasperation and depression. "Smokepaw, please talk to me."

"I don't want to," Smokepaw mumbles into the ground.

"You're acting like a kit," Talonpaw informs him.

"I don't care."

"Oakfur would be upset."

"Oakfur can suck it."

Talonpaw frowns. "When did you decide you hated your mentor? I thought he was on the better side of the spectrum."

"I just hate everyone."

"Smokepaw, this is useless. You can't just decide to hate _everyone._"

"I just did."

"You're _impossible_."

"Everything's impossible."

"Stop that!" Talonpaw finally snaps. "Why do you always have to be so cynical?"

For a moment, Smokepaw doesn't respond. Just when the silence stretches a bit farther than Talonpaw would like, and he's afraid Smokepaw isn't going to respond, his brother mews in a small, defeated voice, "Just leave me alone, Talonpaw."

Another silence envelops the two brothers. Talonpaw lies down beside his littermate and rests his head in his paws, at a loss.

With no other course of action, Talonpaw ventures down a risky, rocky path. He summons all the willpower from ever fiber in his body to the tip of his tongue, and asks quietly, "Does it...have to do with Tawnypaw?"

Smokepaw doesn't respond.

Talonpaw sighs. "Smokepaw -"

"She was with Rowanpaw," Smokepaw interrupts.

Talonpaw stumbles over his oncoming lecture. "Wait - what?"

Smokepaw's face snaps up, and his intense yellow eyes meet his brother's. Talonpaw fights the urge to flinch away at the deep fire flaring from his littermate's eyes and burning into his retinas.

"You heard me." Smokepaw gazes off into space, and suddenly, the growl dies from his tone. "She was with Rowanpaw. In the flower patch."

Talonpaw is stunned. "How -"

"She betrayed me," Smokepaw replies simply, as if it should be obvious. "She obviously likes him better, and doesn't give a rat tail about me. Well, you know what? I don't give a rat tail about her, either."

Talonpaw doesn't reply, and Smokepaw doesn't speak again. Sometime later, Smokepaw drifts off into a fitful sleep, and sometime after that, just before moonhigh, Tawnypaw and Rowanpaw return to the apprentice den. Talonpaw notes how Tawnypaw contentedly falls asleep without even a glance his brother's way.

xxx

_Smokepaw_

Just because Smokepaw had fallen asleep without confronting Rowanpaw did not mean he had forgotten the older apprentice's transgression. Oh, no, great StarClan no. He had just been in no mood to deal with it the night before, and in more of a mood to complain to Talonpaw. But when he wakes up late the next morning, he allows his inner rage to pull him to his paws and drag him out of the apprentice den to where Rowanpaw and Tawnypaw are sharing tongues in the shade of the Highpine.

"Rowanpaw!" Smokepaw's call carries all the emotion that coursed painfully through his veins, all directed at that one despicable cat. None of this anger is directed at Tawnypaw - no, so much of his anger is at Tawnypaw that it isn't even comprehensible - but that is a different kind of anger, more of a disappointment, a foreign feeling that the apprentice who wishes he was strong and cold inside and is secretly, unknowingly, terribly afraid of the unknown does not wish to face, or even to acknowledge.

So instead, he turns his fury on Rowanpaw. The emerald-eyed tom looks up at him coolly. "Yes, Smokepaw!"

Tawnypaw suppresses a shiver. There is only one explanation for Smokepaw's rage, which flares out of his ears in sparks and smoke, but she clings to the belief that she was mistaken, and the shadowy figure she saw in the trees was a trick of the midnight light.

But Smokepaw takes no note of her, the same way she had taken no note of him. All his attention is focused on Rowanpaw. He lowers himself into a fighter's crouch.

"Fight me."

For a moment, Rowanpaw's expression is unreadable, and then the handsome tom's features break into a mocking grin. "You, Smokepaw? Fight me?"

"Yes," Smokepaw growls. "Right here, right now."

"Smokepaw -" Tawnypaw begins, but Rowanpaw cuts her off.

"Are you serious?" Rowanpaw cocks his head questioningly, a smug smirk plastered on his features. "Keep in mind, little kit, that I'm going to become a warrior any day, and you've been an apprentice for, what, a moon?"

"Two moons," Smokepaw hisses through barred teeth.

"Stop giving him the chance to back out, Rowanpaw," meows Cedarpaw, padding up behind Rowanpaw and Tawnypaw. "Just give him what he has coming."

Smokepaw has no idea how long the red-furred tom has been listening, but he shoves the minor disturbance away. If Cedarpaw, another cat on his enemies list, is present to see him tear Rowanpaw to shreds, then all the better.

Rowanpaw's eyes never leave Smokepaw as he responds to his brother, "It's the kind thing to do, Cedarpaw. I'm just trying to spare him." The dark green eyes glint in anticipation. "I'll give you one more chance, _kit._ Back off now, or I'll rip you to pieces."

"Rowanpaw, Smokepaw, stop!" Tawnypaw pleads, but the two toms ignore her.

"I'm a ShadowClan warrior, and I never back down," Smokepaw declares proudly.

"Fine, have it your way." Without further ado, Rowanpaw leaps at Smokepaw, and bowls the younger apprentice over into the dust.

"Smokepaw!" Tawnypaw screams, panicked, as her friend hits the ground. She whirls around to Cedarpaw, who is watching the scene play out in amusement. "Cedarpaw, do something! Stop them!"

Cedarpaw shakes his head. "I'm sorry," he replies, not sounding sorry in the least, "But this is way too much fun." He ignores the look of horror Tawnypaw displays at his response, and continues, "Besides, Smokepaw _so _had it coming."

Tawnypaw opens her mouth to defend her friend as he tussles in the dirt with her crush, but no sound escapes her lips.

xxx

_Tawnypaw_

"Hey, don't you talk like that about Smokepaw."

To Tawnypaw's surprise, the reprimand comes not from her own lips, the lips of Smokepaw's best friend, but from his brother Talonpaw.

Cedarpaw turns on the younger apprentice. "What's that, Talonpaw? You also want to fight?"

The shy little tom, however, does not have the inner fire his brother possesses - unlike his fiery-tempered, fiery-willed littermate, Talonpaw's element has always been earth. So, though he had gathered all his courage to confront Cedarpaw, at the older apprentice's threat, he steps down.

"N-no," he stammers, and looks away timidly.

"No, you're right, Talonpaw." Having gathered herself, Tawnypaw chooses now to take her stand. After all, is this not what she has always wanted for herself? To be a calm, strong decision-maker, problem solver, and friend? To stand up for what is right? To be what ThunderClan never was? Yes, she knows, this is her dream, and she pursues it with all her heart, she thinks.

So she continues in Talonpaw and Smokepaw's defense, "Leave Talonpaw be, Cedarpaw, and leave the fight alone too. It's none of your business."

Unfazed by her bold stand, Cedarpaw simply smirks. "It may be none of my business, but it certainly is yours," he informs her. "Have you not considered what they're really fighting over?"

Of course she has, but she has shoved it guiltily away into the back of her mind, and continues to do so. "They just don't like each other, and they probably got in a fight over prey or something," she meows.

Cedarpaw laughs wildly. "You keep telling yourself that."

And Tawnypaw would.

A sudden yowl from Talonpaw jerks Tawnypaw out of her embarrassing thoughts. She turns around just in time to see Rowanpaw roll out of Smokepaw's headlock, spring upwards towards the camp boundaries, and disappear up into the trees.

"Coward!" Smokepaw shouts after him.

Rowanpaw pokes his head out of the dying leaf-fall leaves, standing proudly on the top branch. "Coward, huh? Let's see you be so brave up _here._"

"You're the coward," Smokepaw hisses, but nonetheless, takes to the trees in pursuit.

"C'mon!" Talonpaw meows, and darts off into the woods after them. Tawnypaw jolts herself into awareness and follows, with Cedarpaw hot on her heels.

The apprentices of ShadowClan slowly move further and further out into the pine forest, with two dramatically duking it out in the treetops, and the remaining three following closely on the ground. There are times when Tawnypaw completely loses the pair of fighting toms in the foliage, and others when they fly out of nowhere and crash land onto the next tree, where she could clearly see every little detail. The way their fur is dappled by the bright sunlight, the way their neck fur prickles, the way Rowanpaw's eyes glint with amusement and confidence, somehow looking down upon Smokepaw without being above him, and in turn Smokepaw's eyes burning with deadly fire.

The two jump and swerve furiously, dancing through the treetops, seemingly oblivious to the perilous drop that inevitably awaits one of the two below.

And then, suddenly, everything comes to a standstill. Smokepaw kicks Rowanpaw in the side, causing the chestnut-furred tom to stumble backwards, almost to the edge of the branch. He somehow maintains his footing, but he stands with his back to a wall - or, rather, with his back to the open space that will probably critically injure him should he fall into it.

Smokepaw stalks towards him, perfectly ready and willing to push his rival from the branch. Rowanpaw takes a shaky step backwards and the branch wobbles under his unstable paws, but the confident glow does not leave his eyes.

"Don't do it, Smokepaw!" Tawnypaw shouts from below, her voice laced with panic. She doesn't want _either _of them to fall, _either _of them to be seriously injured, and the image in her head of Smokepaw pushing Rowanpaw from the tree and the apprentice she's grown so very fond of crashing to the ground with a snap torments her eyes.

She looks around desperately, but Talonpaw is frozen with nervousness, and Cedarpaw trying to hold his expression of confidence.

"Rowanpaw will still pull this off," he meows with forced firmness. "You'll see."

A patch of indigo geraniums growing nearby catches Tawnypaw's eye. She remembers how nice they had smelled the night before, and how they had filled her with a sense of peace. Why can one else could smell the geraniums?

(Why does Rowanpaw despise amaryllis? Why do hollyhocks grow more abundant than mums?)

Tawnypaw's head spins, and she resists the urge to bury her head in her paws. "Please, Smokepaw!" she yowls.

xxx

_Smokepaw_

What do Tawnypaw's words matter? This is all for her, after all, but she is too mousebrained to know or care.

He pushes Rowanpaw backwards as far as he will go, to his limit.

"Surrender," he demands.

"No," Rowanpaw snarls.

"Then I'll be forced to push you."

A pause. And then Rowanpaw smirks in a way that begins to scare Smokepaw - but no, he can't have anything up his sleeve, because this is the end, this is the end, this is the _end._

And then suddenly, Rowanpaw leaps. How he managed to leap straight at his opponent with his unstable position, Smokepaw would never know. But with his enemy lunging straight at him, vicious claws unsheathed, Smokepaw has no choice but to instinctively duck. Rowanpaw lands on his back and uses his body as a spring board, gracefully propelling himself back up onto the tree trunk.

"Nice one, Rowanpaw!" Cedarpaw cheers from below. "Told you so," he brags to a defeated-looking Talonpaw.

Smokepaw seethes with fury. He had been so _close..._ how had he let Rowanpaw slip away?

xxx

_Tawnypaw_

Tawnypaw lets out a breath of relief as Rowanpaw escapes without harm. She had been genuinely scared for a moment. Though, to her discontent, rather than giving up once they realized the harm they could have done, the two toms pick up their battle right where it left off.

But then suddenly, that perilous, heart-stopping moment occurs again, although this time the positions are reversed.

Tawnypaw feels her heart catch in her throat as Rowanpaw lands a blow straight to his rival's chest that sends the smoky-furred apprentice tumbling backwards. Smokepaw lets out a panicked yowl as he topples from the narrowing branch.

Talonpaw gasps. Cedarpaw smirks. Tawnypaw screams.

And then, miraculously, Smokepaw manages to twist around and grab hold of the branch, and clings to it desperately by the tips of his foreclaws.

Rowanpaw takes his time striding up to his helpless enemy, balancing flawlessly on the balance beam that is the pine branch, and then effortlessly dislatches the left paw from the branch.

Smokepaw lets out a yell, not of fear but of unimaginable anger as he falls into the air and dangles from the tree by just one claw, now at the complete and utter mercy of his greatest enemy.

"Rowanpaw, stop!" Tawnypaw screams in panic. "You've won, alright? Now let Smokepaw up!"

xxx

_Smokepaw_

Rowanpaw pauses. Smokepaw looks down at her, but she looks at the ground, for some reason refusing to meet his eyes.

"Well, Smokepaw? Should I listen to her?" Rowanpaw's breath is hot in his face. "Just surrender, loud enough for everyone to hear, and I'll let you up."

_She's scared for me, too?_ The thought is surprising to Smokepaw. But then the cynicist in him kicks in, and he knows that despite all of this being for her and for her care, said means nothing to him at the present. Her care cannot save him, no matter how hard she tries, because Rowanpaw is a rotten piece of crowfood and he himself is hopelessly stubborn.

"Of course I won't surrender, mousebrain," Smokepaw snarls. _I'm a brave ShadowClan warrior...right?_

Rowanpaw barks in laughter. "Are you sure? Do you really want to explain to your mentor what a failure you are when he comes to visit you in the medicine den? You'll probably hit your head again, you know. You won't even be able to see straight. And then Oakfur, Russetfur, Blackstar and the rest will think you're even stupider than you were before."

"I...won't give up," Smokepaw hisses through gritted teeth.

Rowanpaw grins. "Suit yourself. Though I was hoping you'd choose to be stubborn." And then, without hesitation, he flicks Smokepaw's right paw from the branch.

All three apprentices below scream as the Smokepaw falls, falls, falls from the tree and crashes, _crashes_ to the ground.

----

A/N: next chapter will probably be the last. Aww, how sad...except not really, because then I can get to work on some other plot bunnies. The new crossover section gives me tons of insane ideas.....


	6. Conclusion

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* * *

**

**Shellheart:** as always, thanks for the in-depth, encouraging review. State exams went well, thanks, but final exams are next week...ack, too many exams! x_x Hope yours went well. And yeah, it does seem really weird that Falling Smoke was just a year ago... or more like woah, a whole _year_ ago. It almost upsets me now reading the beginning of Falling Smoke, because I know it's not as well written as it could be if I wrote it now. Not to mention that this means we've both been involved in the Warriors fandom for a year, which is kind of amazing, seeing as we haven't got bored or been scared off by the horribleness of the third series. Yay for us. :) But now this reply is getting to long, so I think we'll get on with the chapter now...

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_Six, a Conclusion_

_Smokepaw_

Though sometimes he feels like an alien being, Smokepaw is a cat, and cats always land on their feet. Smokepaw lands on his feet alright when he falls from the tree - and then his paws give way and buckle beneath him.

"Smokepaw!" Tawnypaw and Talonpaw exclaim at the same time, and the two sprint to his side. "Are you alright?" Talonpaw questions worriedly.

Smokepaw nods wearily and attempts to pull himself to his paws, but his front left paw collapses and betrays him, and he crumbles back to the ground. Rowanpaw, leaping down safely and triumphantly from the tree, laughs at the sight.

"You could have lost with dignity, Smokepaw," the older apprentice informs him smugly. "But instead, you've chosen to walk away with a broken paw... no pun intended."

Cedarpaw joins his brother in laughter. Smokepaw fumes, but he lacks the energy or ability to kill them for their cruel remarks; his paw throbs viciously, and he can barely stand, let alone attack his despised enemies.

"Leave him alone, Rowanpaw," Tawnypaw meows softly. But Smokepaw sees the lack of meaning in her words. What she really wants to say is _Good job, Rowanpaw. Nice move._ But she can't bring herself to, Smokepaw knows, which is why she feigns interest in his injuries.

It takes Smokepaw awhile to grudgingly admit to Talonpaw that he can't stand, and when the quiet confession finally escapes him, his brother helps him to his paws and allows Smokepaw to lean on him for their journey back to camp. Tawnypaw takes a step in her injured friend's direction, but Rowanpaw's call stops her.

"Hey, Tawnypaw, come here," Rowanpaw meows. "Come walk with us."

Tawnypaw glances at Rowanpaw walking leisurely at Cedarpaw's side, Smokepaw can see that she wants more than anything to go join them. But then she looks back at Smokepaw, and feels that her duty as a warrior is with her limping friend.

Smokepaw sees her dilemma. "Go ahead, Tawnypaw," he whispers. "Go."

Tawnypaw isn't sure if he is being truthful or not - he may be just saying that out of guilt, she thinks. And Smokepaw knows that she is correct, but of course does not tell her so. It should be her choice, after all. Him or Rowanpaw.

Tawnypaw pauses, looks back at Smokepaw leaning on Talonpaw one last time - and then runs to catch up with Cedarpaw and Rowanpaw.

Smokepaw's harsh inner monologue is running haywire, with words, thoughts and sentences no cat could even begin to comprehend. He feels Talonpaw's tail brush against him, which must have been meant as comfort, but Smokepaw is beyond such feeling.

xxx

_Talonpaw_

Talonpaw is under the impression that things can't get much worse for his brother. He had been humiliated in front of the she-cat he loved, by his rival Rowanpaw no less, and now has a painfully broken paw to show for it. He wishes desperately that Smokepaw had not offered Tawnypaw a way out, but knows better than to interfere, even as she takes it and goes. No, he thinks, things couldn't get much worse.

That is, until they get back to camp. The second the apprentices push through the undergrowth and into ShadowClan camp, they are spotted by Russetfur, who instantly makes a beeline straight at them.

"Cedarpaw! Rowanpaw! Where have you been?" she admonishes. Rowanpaw opens his mouth to speak, probably to protest that he had no idea he was supposed to be in camp, but Russetfur won't have any of it. "Come on, you two, get yourselves to Blackstar's den, and _hurry_, for StarClan's sake. No one could find you anywhere, and he's beginning to consider calling off your ceremonies."

The two elder apprentices don't need to be told twice. Rowanpaw's emerald eyes glow with excitement and also anxiety at the prospect of Blackstar's anger, but true to his nature, his ambition wins out. With a hurried goodbye and a lick between the ears to Tawnypaw, he darts after Cedarpaw to Blackstar's den.

Talonpaw can't quite name the emotion choking, silencing, tearing Smokepaw apart at the moment, but he knows that his brother cannot not form words. So he quietly informs Tawnypaw, "I'll take Smokepaw to Littlecloud's den, okay?"

Tawnypaw nods, her eyes still fixed on the spot where Rowanpaw had disappeared into Blackstar's den. "Do you need any help, Talonpaw?"

Talonpaw feels Smokepaw tense at his side. The last thing Smokepaw wants is _help_, from _anyone, _let alone Tawnypaw. He despises pity and aid of any sort, as he was raised to by his Clan. Besides, he figures, the last thing Smokepaw wants right now is to be with Tawnypaw. She has already made her choice, and her decision is clear in the fixation of her leaf-green eyes.

"No thanks, we'll be fine," Talonpaw answers softly, barely above a whisper. "You go ahead."

With that, he leads Smokepaw away to the medicine den, where they hardly hear Blackstar's booming voice from outside.

"Will all cats old enough to catch their own prey join me at Highpine for a Clan meeting!"

Littlecloud gently rubs a crushed herb on Smokepaw's injured paw. "Let the marigold sit for a moment," he instructs. "You are exempt from the warrior ceremony, but Talonpaw and I must go. Come now, Talonpaw."

Talonpaw hesitates, then shakes his head. "If it's all the same, Littlecloud, I think Smokepaw could use some company," he mews. "I'll stay with him."

Littlecloud eyes the two brothers. He isn't a medicine cat for nothing - he sees the pleading in Talonpaw's eyes, the anguish in Smokepaw's, and knows something is occurring that he can't and doesn't want to understand. He nods kindly. "Alright. Just don't tell anyone."

From the medicine den, Smokepaw and Talonpaw thankfully cannot hear most of the warrior ceremony. Talonpaw thanks StarClan for this, because he has no idea what the simple age-old words would have done to his brother. Smokepaw is curled up silently in the corner, unspeaking and unmoving, but Talonpaw can tell that he appreciates his presence. He is the only one who knows Smokepaw well enough to catch the glint in his eyes, the silent thank you, before he closes them.

"Rowanclaw! Cedarheart! Rowanclaw! Cedarheart!"

Smokepaw's eyes snap open as the voices of the Clan echo from outside. Talonpaw averts his gaze. He has no idea how to express his sympathy, or how to even begin to piece together his broken brother. But then, Smokepaw never wants help anyways.

xx

_Smokepaw_

After their warrior ceremony, Tawnypaw spends most of her time with Cedarheart and Rowanclaw, Rowanclaw in particular. She barely seems to have time for Smokepaw anymore, he thinks bitterly.

What happened to the shivering, terrified outcast he'd found alone and lost in the rain that fateful night? What happened to the timid, shy apprentice who used to speak in a barely audible whisper and nervously avoid eye-contact, hiding her glittering leafy eyes from the world? What happened to Tawnypaw, Smokepaw's best friend?

Tawnypaw is almost a different cat now, and Smokepaw can almost swear he never knew the shy little she-cat she once was. She is now bold and outspoken and walks with her head held high, her days as an outcast in ThunderClan nothing but a shady memory. She is never lost, with a sense of vibrancy and strength radiating from her being, and certainly never alone; Rowanclaw is a constant presence at her side, Cedarheart often tagging along, and she is even admired by the older warriors. To the cats of ShadowClan, never ones for humility, it seems as though the once-fearful, broken, terrified apprentice has finally come into her own, blossoming into a beautiful flower.

Except for Smokepaw, that is. Because though Tawnypaw is happier than she's ever been, and also stronger, greater and just more _alive_, she's also painfully distant, and he can't help but feel the opposite of everything she has become. She makes sometimes makes efforts to speak to him, but now he _wants _to push her away, because she did it first, and isn't that what she wants? Is that what _he _wants?

He barely speaks to her between Cedarheart and Rowanclaw's warrior ceremonies and hers, about a moon later. But when her ceremony day comes, he resolves for just one day to push all his dark, depressing thoughts aside, and try to mend whatever it is that has forced the rift between them. _I'll be the first one to touch noses with her in congratulations_, Smokepaw decides. _I'll push my way to the front and be there for her._

And so, after a moon of painful brooding and lying alone in the corner of the apprentice den or out in the woods, Smokepaw has decided to try and make everything _right._ Tawnypaw's special time has come, the time to become a warrior, and Smokepaw is going to be there for her.

He quietly pushes his way to the front of the crowd of proud ShadowClan warriors as Blackstar speaks.

"You have trained well, and will honor and make use of your excellent training as a warrior..."

Smokepaw spies Rowanclaw and Cedarheart sitting side by side also at the front of the Clan, but just a bit off to the right. Smokepaw is dead center, and with his vantage point, he's sure he'll reach Tawnypaw first.

"...And so, Tawnypaw, do you promise to uphold the warrior code and defend your Clan, even at the cost of your life?"

Smokepaw pushes past Tallpoppy, and completely disregards the stern glare the she-cat shoots his way as he squeezes into the front row.

"I do."

Smokepaw's breath catches. Despite everything, he feels incredibly proud of her - though he would never admit it, of course. After everything she's gone through to get here, she deserves the proud warrior name she is about to receive.

"Then from this day forward, you shall be known as Tawnypelt."

The Clan breaks into cheers. "Tawnypelt! Tawnypelt! Tawnypelt!"

Smokepaw takes the chant as his cue, and breaks forth from the Clan and up to the base of the Highpine, where Tawnypelt is just leaping down.

"Tawnypelt!" Smokepaw rushes up to her, running on the air, and feels the wind sweep everything else away behind him. It is as though all the problems and tensions burdening him concerning Tawnypaw are left behind as he approaches her, a broad grin stretching across his face for the first time in moons.

He reaches out to touch noses with her in congratulations. "Tawnypelt, I -"

To his complete and utter surprise, heartbreak, downfall, shattering, _collapse_, Tawnypelt turns away. His nose never makes contact with hers.

He cocks his head to the side. "Tawnypelt?"

And then Rowanclaw and Cedarheart approach from the side, and she passionately touches noses with each of them in turn, her eyes glowing with the light of a warrior. But Smokepaw only darkens.

"Tawnypelt!" he cries as her turned back, "Why won't you speak to me?"

Tawnypelt says nothing, and ignores him as though his voice was merely a whisper on the wind. After a moment, just when Smokepaw thinks he isn't going to be graced with a response, it's Rowanclaw who answers.

"Tawnypelt doesn't have time for the likes of _you_, runt," he snickers. "If you know what's good for you, you'll just leave her alone."

Smokepaw feels his temper rising within him, but he fights it down. "Tawnypelt!" he tries again. "Please, Tawnypelt, just _talk _to me!"

Tawnypelt finally turns around to look at him. His eyes meet hers, and he sees the painfully conflicting emotions in them, and knows in that moment that the fight between her feelings and loyalties flows deeply in her blood. And then something within her breaks, and she simply shakes her head, and turns away again, to touch noses with more well-wishers of the Clan.

Smokepaw feels almost as though he has received a physical blow - or worse, as though she is running away from him. "Tawnypelt, why are you doing this?" he demands loudly, but still she ignores him. And then he sees it.

He spins around furiously on Rowanclaw. "You put her up to this, didn't you!" he snarled. "You told her not to talk to me!"

Rowanclaw shrugs coolly. "So what if I did? It's for her best interests. She doesn't have time for losers like you."

Smokepaw feels the heat rising across his body and the flare pouring out his ears. "No, it's not for her best interest! You've never had her best interests in mind!" he snaps, and then turns his appeal back to Tawnypelt. "Come on, Tawnypelt! You always said you wanted to be strong and fair! Well is this _fair _to you?"

For a moment, Tawnypelt wavers. She looks like she's almost about to turn, and for a moment she's two cats, both wrestling for control of her body - and then one side wins, and she turns away from Smokepaw again. This time, for good.

"Don't insult her," Rowanclaw meows smoothly. "Tawnypelt _is_ strong and fair. You have nothing to do with any of it. In fact, you have nothing to do with her at all."

"No," Smokepaw growls, loud enough for Tawnypelt, feigning ignorance, to hear. "She's certainly not fair, because if she was, she would have at least _greeted _me just now. I have everything to do with her, because she's my _friend._ And I this also means she's not strong at all, because she gave in to _you._" His voice suddenly rises in desperation. "Please, Tawnypelt! Why am _I _the exception? Why can't you be strong for me, too?"

Rowanclaw laughs mockingly. "It's useless, runt. Watch what you say, or I'll have to act." But then he seems to decide that picking a fight with the young apprentice is a waste of his time, and motions to leave. "C'mon, Tawnypelt. Let's go."

Tawnypelt hesitates for the briefest of moments, and for a split second, she is still caught, still torn. But then, without even looking at Smokepaw, she pulls herself forward and moves on.

She walks away into the crowd of well-wishers, leaving Smokepaw standing alone gazing after her. His eyes follow her until she disappears into the crowd, and beyond, but his heart remains right there in the dust.

xxx

Smokepaw runs off to the flower patch later, to think. Tawnypelt's scent is incredibly strong, and he wonders if she's been there recently, or It's the first time he's been there since Rowanclaw's presence defiled the sanctuary, but still the simple fact that he's _here_, in his favorite place in all the forest, manages to comfort him. He forgets about Rowanclaw, about Tawnypelt, about _everything_, and just lets himself slip into the mums. He tears his eyes away from the bright amaryllis, their centers dripping blood, and directs his glassy gaze up to the sky.

Ominous gray storm clouds are gathering up above, and Smokepaw studies them with fascination. How must it feel to be a storm cloud, to be able to channel the anger within you into fierce rainfall, hailstorms, and strikes of lightning? To roll across the sky with thunder, as the clouds did now, causing animals of the forest hide away in fear? To have the power to burn a tree to the ground, and to bring a cat to its knees?

Sometimes, Smokepaw feels like he had a storm raging inside him. But right then, he wishes he can _be _a storm.

And then, with a clap of thunder, the rain brakes. Water begins to pour down on Smokepaw's head, and for a moment it feels cool and refreshing, and then it feels like he's being battered with claws of water. He sits up and tried to shake the liquid from his fur, but it's useless; the rain is already starting to come down even harder, and he just gets drenched all over again. Thoroughly soaked even after just a couple of seconds, the apprentice decides to head back to camp.

On the way back, he nearly runs right into the sunhigh patrol, but manages to dart up a tree just in time. He's in no mood to talk to anyone, especially not when he sees just who comprises the patrol: Rowanclaw, Cedarheart, and Tawnypelt themselves. Fortunately the patter of the rain is louder than the pounding of his heart and the raging liquid hides his scent, so the patrol passes right by without a clue as to his presence.

Perhaps because of his rainy mood, Smokepaw is nearly oblivious to the water the sky is shooting at his back, and takes his time the rest of the way back to camp. He almost doesn't want to go back. But then, where else is there to go? Much as he would love to just disappear, ShadowClan is his home. Nightwing, his mother, is there, as is Talonpaw, who he doesn't know how he'd survive without. And despite what he told Talonpaw, he's also fond of his harsh mentor, Oakfur, who teaches him everything there is to know about being a ShadowClan warrior. And though he would never admit it, and maybe he doesn't even know it, Smokepaw loves the smell of the pines, the honor of his Clan, the soft breeze stirring the dust, his stubborn pride, everything that makes his Clan what it is.

Despite everything, he thinks he would miss this place should he ever have to leave it.

As soon as the _non_ cynical thought enters his mind, he pushes it out. This is no time to be thinking positive. Especially not after..._Tawnypelt_. The events of the day come crashing down on him all over again, and it's with a heavy heart that he makes his way into the apprentice den.

The camp is deserted, with every cat huddling inside their dens to escape the rain, and the apprentice den is no different. Since Tawnypelt became a warrior, Smokepaw and Talonpaw have the den to themselves, but at the moment Talonpaw is nowhere to be seen, so Smokepaw is literally and figuratively alone. He sighs, and makes his way over to his corner of the den.

He slowly stalks over to his patch of moss, the spot where he sleeps every night, perfectly prepared to curl up and take a nap. He had been meaning to change the moss today, as he hadn't in almost a moon, but it didn't matter at the moment -

Except, wait. The moss has been changed. Someone must have done it for him; Talonpaw, he thinks. But no - Smokepaw does a double-take - there's something lying in his moss. A flower.

A chrysanthemum.

There's only one cat who would have thought to put a chrysanthemum in his spot, and it isn't Talonpaw.

Tears well in his eyes, and his heart breaks and rebreaks and breaks again inside him. He bends down to sniff the crimson mum, which smells as though it had been picked just a short while ago. It would have been a perfect, pristine flower, except for the raindrops dripping through the roof of the den and pooling on one of the petals, right around a small tear. As the drops accumulate, the rip widens, to the point where a _normal _cat would notice it - when Smokepaw's perceptive eyes had picked it up, it had been a tiny tear, but Smokepaw had seen it nonetheless.

And whether it is on purpose or not - the logical side of him tells him it isn't, while the cynical side tells him it is - the chrysanthemum is ripped, its beauty tainted, left alone and forgotten in the rain.

Smokepaw doesn't know, and never did find out, what Tawnypelt had been trying to say with that chrysanthemum. She might have been trying to say sorry, minus the words, but with a symbol that spoke a thousand; she may have meant it as a gift, from friend to friend, to show that she hadn't forgotten the friendship they had once shared; she may have been trying to tell him to shove off, and never speak to her again...or perhaps she meant it as her last goodbye.

But the meaning, meaning which he does not have words or emotions to describe, isn't lost on Smokepaw.

He breathes in the mum's rich, fading scent, tells himself his face is wet with raindrops.

xxx

Smokepaw doesn't speak to Tawnypelt again after that. Nothing, not at all, not even in simple greeting from Clan member to Clan member. He has nothing to say, and neither does she.

He tells himself it's stupid to be so upset over something as stupid as a kithood crush, and buries his feelings inside himself. It's no use feeling, after all. And so his life returns to normal.

Newleaf arrives, and Twolegs begin to devastate and demolish the forest with their giant, reeking monsters. Every cat in the forest knows that a great tragedy is upon them, but no cat has heard anything from StarClan. Littlecloud is constantly fretting, and Talonpaw also seems afraid, but Smokepaw remains stoic and unfeeling. The world has always been full of suffering, he thinks, and now is no different. He thinks that maybe, this time, StarClan won't save them.

And then Tawnypelt disappears.

ShadowClan is thrown into greater chaos than before, with wild theories of the end of the Clans flying around, and blame being placed on ThunderClan. But Smokepaw, Smokepaw is indifferent. Tawnypelt never gave a rat tail for him, after all, so he doesn't give a rat tail for her. It's that simple.

Sometimes he thinks about the vision he described to Talonpaw, what seems like ages ago, that night in the forest. And sometimes he wonders if, despite his brother's efforts, he isn't already falling off that cliff. Or if he hasn't already fallen, and already hit the ground.

Or maybe he hasn't fallen, not quite yet. But he knows he will. He just doesn't know how literal his metaphor will become... but that's another story.

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A/N: Thanks to everyone who read this, and lived through my experimenting with random tenses, rambling, and attempts at symbolism. Actually, I'm happy with the way the symbolism all worked out. If you don't fully understand what I was aiming for with that, check out this website: www livingartsoriginals com/infoflowermeaning htm#H. It's what I used for all the flower references. (Note mums, amaryllis, hollyhock, etc.)

And yes, for those of you who don't know, Smokepaw's story continues in _Falling Smoke._ Skip ahead a few moons to _Dawn_, the fourth book of the New Prophecy, for the Clans' journey to the new territory, and Smokepaw's actual fall off a cliff.

One more irrelevant fact: for some reason, writing this made me love Talonpaw. I really want to hug him right now. I think some Talonpaw plushies are in order. As thanks for reading, virtual Talonpaw plushies for everyone who read. :)


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